In the Days of the Comet Read online

  Section 2

  I awoke in that state of equanimity that so often follows anemotional drenching.

  It was late, and my mother was beside my bed. She had some breakfastfor me on a battered tray.

  "Don't get up yet, dear," she said. "You've been sleeping. It wasthree o'clock when you got home last night. You must have beentired out."

  "Your poor face," she went on, "was as white as a sheet and youreyes shining. . . . It frightened me to let you in. And you stumbledon the stairs."

  My eyes went quietly to my coat pocket, where something still bulged.She probably had not noticed. "I went to Checkshill," I said. "Youknow--perhaps--?"

  "I got a letter last evening, dear," and as she bent near me to putthe tray upon my knees, she kissed my hair softly. For a moment weboth remained still, resting on that, her cheek just touching myhead.

  I took the tray from her to end the pause.

  "Don't touch my clothes, mummy," I said sharply, as she movedtowards them. "I'm still equal to a clothes-brush."

  And then, as she turned away, I astonished her by saying, "You dearmother, you! A little--I understand. Only--now--dear mother; oh!let me be! Let me be!"

  And, with the docility of a good servant, she went from me. Dearheart of submission that the world and I had used so ill!

  It seemed to me that morning that I could never give way to a gustof passion again. A sorrowful firmness of the mind possessed me.My purpose seemed now as inflexible as iron; there was neither lovenor hate nor fear left in me--only I pitied my mother greatly forall that was still to come. I ate my breakfast slowly, and thoughtwhere I could find out about Shaphambury, and how I might hope toget there. I had not five shillings in the world.

  I dressed methodically, choosing the least frayed of my collars,and shaving much more carefully than was my wont; then I went downto the Public Library to consult a map.

  Shaphambury was on the coast of Essex, a long and complicatedjourney from Clayton. I went to the railway-station and made somememoranda from the time-tables. The porters I asked were not veryclear about Shaphambury, but the booking-office clerk was helpful,and we puzzled out all I wanted to know. Then I came out into thecoaly street again. At the least I ought to have two pounds.

  I went back to the Public Library and into the newspaper room tothink over this problem.

  A fact intruded itself upon me. People seemed in an altogetherexceptional stir about the morning journals, there was somethingunusual in the air of the room, more people and more talking thanusual, and for a moment I was puzzled. Then I bethought me: "Thiswar with Germany, of course!" A naval battle was supposed to be inprogress in the North Sea. Let them! I returned to the considerationof my own affairs.

  Parload?

  Could I go and make it up with him, and then borrow? I weighed thechances of that. Then I thought of selling or pawning something,but that seemed difficult. My winter overcoat had not cost a poundwhen it was new, my watch was not likely to fetch many shillings.Still, both these things might be factors. I thought with a certainrepugnance of the little store my mother was probably making forthe rent. She was very secretive about that, and it was locked inan old tea-caddy in her bedroom. I knew it would be almost impossibleto get any of that money from her willingly, and though I toldmyself that in this issue of passion and death no detail mattered,I could not get rid of tormenting scruples whenever I thought ofthat tea-caddy. Was there no other course? Perhaps after everyother source had been tapped I might supplement with a few shillingsfrankly begged from her. "These others," I said to myself, thinkingwithout passion for once of the sons of the Secure, "would find itdifficult to run their romances on a pawnshop basis. However, wemust manage it."

  I felt the day was passing on, but I did not get excited aboutthat. "Slow is swiftest," Parload used to say, and I meant to geteverything thought out completely, to take a long aim and then toact as a bullet flies.

  I hesitated at a pawnshop on my way home to my midday meal, but Idetermined not to pledge my watch until I could bring my overcoatalso.

  I ate silently, revolving plans.